Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
