it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
