If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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