I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
