you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
