So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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