I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need to calm my uterus...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
