his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
