They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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