So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
