There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
