just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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