i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You took a bar mat shot.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
