I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I bet he comes in French.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
