Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
