It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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