PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
