so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
