Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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