I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
