Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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