she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
