FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
