if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
