I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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