Having a random hookup so left but love u
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
