she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
