My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
