my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
