no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
