so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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