go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
operation have a gay friend backfired
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
