I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
