Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
