You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
3 2 1 whiskey
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
