im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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