I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
