At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
