so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
people are starting to question the shark bite story
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
