Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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