i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
