A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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