dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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