Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
