He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
