A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
