I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
