the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize