that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
