Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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