I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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