dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
