he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
