Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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