Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have already put on my inside pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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