Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
