Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
