he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
vagina is talking i cant
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize