Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
