things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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