Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hippo gnu deer
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize