if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
