I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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