Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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