Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
