She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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