you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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