Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
