I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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