thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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