My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize