...so i touched it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
