dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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