no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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