Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
