why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
