proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
